Things I Need


The thing that gets me about my adult writing life, every single fucking time, is that it was never as hard as this when I was a kid. I used to be the James Patterson of all the English classes, the Stephen King of modern fantasy. Then I grew up and learned that being a writer and shirking off was a lot less cute when you’re out of High School. So here we are.

The below is a compilation of all the things I think I need to return to being a successful young author again.

  1. Journalism Class: Junior year when electives started opening up I had grand theories that I would make a living as a journalist while working on a novel by the side. This class proved me wrong in that I spent the eighty allotted minutes on the computer writing fiction rather than whatever article I was assigned. Yet, highest fiction output of my entire high school career was during this class. So give me a computer with some other pressing thing to do, and I will give you a novel!
  2. Nemesis: In elementary school, there was a girl who had it all, and I was out to take her down. At least in the sense that I would eventually outrank her in all that mattered. This gave me the drive to push myself and try harder than I thought I could creatively and ultimately started my ambition to become a successful writer before the end. So, give me someone in my life who is slightly more successful than me that I can hate from a distance. Need my Mozart here people!
  3. Praise: Authors Tea’s were a thing back in the day. All the parents would come and listen for a couple of hours to all the kids blandly recite whatever malarky they had been working on in class, and applaud them. These got me much praise being the most literate of the class and continued throughout my schooling until I graduated. Frankly, a big reason I fight to be a writer is because everyone in my life has told me how good I am at it. And honestly, do I need to explain why praise is important in any creative endeavor?
  4. Space/Silence/Study Hall: Backlog of homework rivaling Everest? What better time to not work on it than a high school study hall! What better time to start working on your great novel than when you are stuck in a dead silent room with nothing but pens and notebooks and homework? Back in an age where there was no electronic distraction, being left bored with a notebook and pen was the best drive to write. Scientists, time for you to be the hero and invent that time machine already! If I ever become famous enough I will be funding this!
  5. Muse Switch: So obviously I never had this, but seriously with enough biologists carving up brains you would think sometime soon they would figure out a way to turn the muse on an off as needed. Again, get on it people!

I don’t think any of the above is asking for too much, do you?


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