Anticipation

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Somewhere in the next twenty-four hours I will either be so terribly elated and nerved up, or completely and utterly deadpan. Which if you knew me intimately you would realize as a huge growth in my character.

Today is the day I learn one way or the other if I was chosen by Bitch Media as part of their fellowship on Reproductive Rights and Justice.

I want to win more than anything. Not only would it validate all my effort this year on becoming a better writer, but it is such a terrific opportunity for me to grow and understand more of the professional writing world.

Having said that, being that I am not yet professional grade with my writing, there is a very good chance that I was not chosen as a fellow. And to be honest here per my usual, I obviously did not put in the same time and effort into my submission as those who didn’t put it together in less than ten days.

While the first lesson I took from this was the success of setting a goal and meeting it, the next lesson I am learning is to be okay with the fact that I will likely not make it big this time. And there is nothing wrong with that.

Once, not long ago at all, the simple thought that such an effort would be wasted and that I would be rejected for my hard work meant that I would crawl under the covers for months and give up on all writing until my soul would not be sated any other way.

Now, on the precipice of this great potential crossroad of my life, I am fine with the idea of this not being my big break. I am completely confident that I will be awarded my due for my efforts, and that maybe now my best is not yet enough to earn something of this magnitude.

So we’re all good here. Quite in fact, I find that I am more nervous at the prospect of winning and being held to a higher standard I am not sure I am at yet. And even that is good too.

Come what may, this is going to be a great day. And I can’t wait for the next adventure!

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