This is my not so humble request to the universe, for the love of Mike can I please have a break?
This is not to say that things aren’t going well. In fact as far as the ‘American Dream’ things are going very well for me. Since last we spoke I have gotten a job, a better one and not as crazy (I hope) as my current one. And I have both said goodbye to my good beast and took out my first loan to buy my currently unnamed vehicle.
But damn it, I don’t want to keep using all my energy on improving my life. Or at least getting it back to some form of normal. I want to write, PLEASE! I want to have the clear head to sit down and be comfortable enough in my own skin to blurt out any old nonsense.
Or at least that has been the diatribe in my head for the past month as I have been organizing rides for both work and interviews, and trying to work my current job around interviews that are right in the middle of my normal workday. While I am insanely thankful for everyone that has helped me during this rough patch, I hate having to be that person asking for favors.
Then this morning hits, and I take my first ride to work in my new unnamed friend. The CD player works so I grab an old forgotten case of my high school jams, pop in some Moulin Rouge and head out. And it was the most soothing feeling in all the world! Belting out Lady Marmalade, and thinking that Someday I’ll fly Away coming on just as I circle the building I won’t be working in after next week was perfect, it felt like the universe patting me on the back.
I might not trust the path I’m on right now, but I still believe down to the bone that it is the right path for me. Even if it all crashes around my head, I know I can handle it. Maybe not with any amount of grace, most likely there will be copious tears coming down my face. But I will survive it, with my faith in the universe and it’s plan intact.
So, about that writing thing…
Needless to say, I flunked out of NaNoWriMo last month. But I’m not out yet. Now that I have no balls in my court to deal with, it’s time to pick up the thread of the Beast and the Brain and finish that. Now that I have gotten my life all tangled in new expectations, I’m adding the self-demand that I finish the first draft of it by the end of the year.
THIS I SWEAR!